WHITE NIGHT........MY CHRISTMAS TALE
It was cold and I couldn’t sleep…tossing and turning in bed for hours…my thoughts running rancid wild…I got tired condemning myself to sleep…so I sit up and began to make my way outside. Of all the nights that I couldn’t dream…it had to be tonight. I was originally hoping it would painlessly pass…that the holiday cheer would be swift and abrupt. It was a sadistic joke of fate. Someone out there was having their chuckles while I was walking around in the coldest time of the year. The icy chills…cracked on my skin…and I felt envious with the unequalled radiance from the houses where families and friends indulge themselves with company. The laughter resonated to the snow around me. It reminded me of what I left behind. What happened to all the women and friends I had? They were 35,000 miles away…it felt like 35,000 miles. They probably were fleetingly happy…I would be a burden…I wouldn’t deserve them tonight anyway…The world became very quiet...and dark…and snow muffles any grey hues or cries. It is deceivingly clean, serene, and silent. I love the world best when it’s like this. It’s quiet…and empty…No…not quite empty. I hear a raspy labored breathing…a clumsy figure walking across the street. He seems to be exhausted…walking towards the dark church behind me. He doesn’t notice me…maybe it was too dark. He seems sick…diabetes? Prostate disease?...I can fairly guess. Thut, thut, thut…the old man’s cane…creaking muscles, strung to brittle bones and tendons. Each movement, a careful painful activity…the old man stops and looks up to the temple…never giving attention to my callous form.
He topples his hat to the ground…and began to whisper…”Why?”…his raspy voice suddenly cried. “Why Lord?! Why have you done this to me? I kept you in my heart and mind all this years…and this is what you have given me?” With an angry voice taking over, he cries…”YOU TOOK MY FRIENDS…AND I ACCEPTED…Because it was their time... YOU TOOK AWAY MY WIFE…AND I ACCEPTED IT!… Because it was mercy to end her suffering…Now, I am alone…I no longer know this world…it frightens me…I don’t want to be here anymore Lord…Yet you refuse to take me…You refuse to take away this endless night!” He crumbles to the ground and cries, saying he has nothing left…and how a quiet death is the only thing he needed now. Foolishly, I speak up.
“Maybe God has a plan for you.” What an utterly stupid thing to say, but I began to build from it, wondering if I am torturing this man. “Who?”, the old man replied. “A friend sir, someone…who understands…life is hard…and we seem to lose a lot along the way. We rarely gain anything of permanence…yet we lose things so easily. Sometimes we are compensated…sometimes we are not. I’ve had people taken from me too…taken by simple pride…ambition…and an idea that I am destined to be alone. The people who taught me to be a man…and the woman I have loved so dearly…taken away by such simple idiosyncrasy. It was very hard to maintain faith in anything after. But it seems that I have…and I really don’t know why. I guess I always knew there was a reason for me…I too can still do good things with my life…so can you…if you don’t let despair bogged you down…if you don’t let this cold overwhelm you.” He listened shockingly still, like my every word was the only thing in the world that existed for him. I felt important…and shared a kinship with this lost soul. Suprisingly still, he calmly asks “You speak from above…are you an angel?”…”No, I am but a man”…I took his hand and graced it against my face…it was a thoughtless move that seemed like the right thing to do. “You feel abandoned sir…but even in a night such as this, you are not alone…does that not give you something to hold on to? Does it not give reason to have faith?” The old foggy shakingly smiles…and what seems to be acceptance, he raspily asks for his cane for which he is lost without it. I tell him everyone needs someone…sometime…to show them the way. I take his arm and tell him that I’ll help him get home but not before we find some local dinner and get a serving of steak and eggs…maybe some peppermint coffee. It was dark and cold...but I told him it was a good white night for both of us. He just stares at me…blankly…with a sincere and happy grin…tears fell from his eyes…joyfully he says…”Merry Christmas…”
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