a life less ordinary

"I love you like certain DArk Things are loved..secretly, between the shadow and the soul.." - Pablo Neruda

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

A little story...

"And there she was...Back from a lost time...she walks graciously and confidently around like she owns the land. Shes is beautiful. She's meticulously fixing something or packing. She ignores me at first, but then again, everybody does. I noticed the fleeting light, like everything is in monotone or monochrome or what some people might percieve cloudy gray day. At first i am speechless and then i notice I can't seem to utter a sound. I try and try to scream or to talk, but all of it is lost, Washed by the wind.I think i started to cry.Just a tear of infinite saddness in my eye. but then I look at her, carefully. curiously. She is beautiful...Her breathing is so controlled, you would think she was asleep. Her heartbeat dosen't even flinch. My heart on the other hand, pounds...it betrays and embarasses me. You would think at this point in our non-existent relationship i wouldn't care.but...I think she's going away. She has lifted her things and she is going away.Why is everyone going away? I asked myself. But then just like that i can speak. i began to utter what passes for a voice in this place. I began to tell her about the problems i had been having, all the crap i have been trying to achieve, and the people who were trying there best to see me fail. I plead her sympathy, her pity. Like a desperate babe, i implore her help. All the while i think to my self, "Be quiet! Stop embarrasing yourself! She is not your friend! Why won't you shut up?! She is not your priest!" but then i continue on, blabbering about the little insignificant intricacies of my life. how small i felt. How tiny have my world become. Then, as she walks away i tell myself, "Don't do it. Don't Embarass yourself again. Let it go. Let her go. Hold it in. Your friends would laugh at you. Your family would laugh at you. Don't you do it! Don't! Aaand...you did it."..I told her i loved her and wished we i never got out of bed. That i never unwrapped my arms around her. Her heart dosen't skip, not a single beat. Her breathing dosen't even budge. She dosen't look back. She walks away,...washed by the wind from my senses. "I deserved that you know. Idiot." And just like that i am drowning in tears. Mighty is this flood that i have fallen to. When suddenly i opened my eyes. Something glittered and shined. It was a bright light from my window. It was just a dream, just an old ghost. Then i take a second to make sure, i collect myself...i lifted myself up and continued reviewing for the boards...