SEASON CHANGING.......
I think I am still asleep.......I don't know whats happening in my life anymore. It's like your there....but actually your not. Things have gotten out of hand. One spiral shift to another. Yesterday, I had another nervous breakdown. I guess the reason was that the person I valued more than life, wasn't there. Part of me feels that she fell out of love....that all this was just static attachments. I really don't know. She was different....and I just kept on falling without her to catch me.
An amazing thing happened after though....My friend tony called. We havent really been so close since college....sorta drifted apart. He started talking about reasons of life.....being a man....and taking that chances....and seeing them through. In a time where the people at work, home,...the people I used to work with....and the single most important person in my life...were telling me to go home.....He gave me a little inspiration to stay awhile....to fight some more...to show my balls in the game. I felt inspired a bit again. After that I recieved emails from dozens of PGH people, my good old dentist friend, and some old people I have in the past attached myself with. Like a hymm they sang and cheered for me. In a season where everyone is busy...they gave me life. To think I didn't really have time for them.
After doing my laundry( do clothes that shrank before, can shrink again?! my clothes are getting smaller and smaller...and smaller..), I succumb to my blankets and sheets. I dreamt I was in Galera again. Funny thing is everytime I go to galera, something good happens. I never felt lonely. Its not the best beach really, but each time proved worth the trip. I guess it holds good karma for me. I dreamt this beautiful lady was singing and everyone was looking at her...but she only had eyes for....SHE ONLY HAD EYES AND THAT SMILE FOR ME...Its a dream really. But I felt wonderful again...like the world couldnt break my smile....and then I woke up.
I guess I am looking for something in this life that resembles dreams. Seasons are changing...people are changing....no matter how much I try and pour my heart out....I can't keep people from changing. Tony said he has never met anyone in this life who hasn't changed so much since high school. I find that funny and reason with him that I am way better now...although less good looking. I am looking for that foolish strength I always had. I am looking for you...my friends...who reads this crap I put out. I used to write better....I used to laugh more....Maybe its just Christmas...and I feel so alone....but if you get the chance...and a little extra warmth....spread it a bit...I know there are dozens of us freezing in the cold.....Merry Christmas my sweet dear friend....
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