A Little Story........Part 4
As I woke up, I saw her again…..her eyes were filled with pity…her confusion was set to be my confusion. Dazed…Something about her…seems so erased…."small details"…seemed blurry….As if she was so far away…distant….I can’t seem to remember her anymore. The world trickles…fading in and out. Like the softest breeze, she gently parts the silence, with her morning lips, she gently makes me feel human… "What are you afraid of ?…." People like to indirectly ask me that sometimes…but never her. When they do ask, they have this knowing grin on their faces…As if they expect me to have an answer. I humor them most of the time because that’s what they want me to say. "I am not afraid of anything", or "I know what I am doing". From college to medical school, to all sorts of trivials and challenges…I was just like you, going through the motions. Facing one big bang to another. In the end, the trick was to make your mind believe that the next step is to go through the next motion…and the next….and the next. That stopping was forbidden. That moving, made a difference. Then again either way was always better than either way. It meant that there was a point where any decision can not be anymore right than the next. Where a choice can never be more wrong than the next. That going through a path is better than trying to choose which path to take.
I don’t know why she came to me tonight. I thought no one understood me. She makes me feel like I am wrong at times. I guess it is true what they say. "The path that ghosts follow are written on the land in old words". They do not take planes…or trains…or drive in interstate highways to spain. They just simply walk. Is that what she is? Sometimes it seems that I am looking through her eyes…Sometimes it seems, she maybe looks through mine. Maybe we just make it up as we go along.
Away from the people I love, Apart from the work I am so passionate about,..Without meaning and almost empty of options… I stare at her…all night…and I wonder, "Where do we go from here?…."
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