a life less ordinary

"I love you like certain DArk Things are loved..secretly, between the shadow and the soul.." - Pablo Neruda

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

OVERTHINKING............Part2

Here we go again....Trapped with another one...I see flickerish lamps and hazy shinny objects...a dim shade of light...and stale smoke hanging in the air...I grab my glass and sip...and drink what lefts of it. I am surrounded by my often friends...Johnny, Jack, Smith,...JB, Miguel, and Tito Pepe. Nobody really likes Tito Pepe...but we still let him hang around with us. Johnny laughs and tells me how pathetic i am. That all my frustrations are a joke. I really wish it was. Nothing seemed to be going my way. I felt so alone...so tired...that i can do no right. I tell them how clumsy i was with a lot of things. Relationships, work, and even small little things...I seem to fcuk it all up. It was irrational...unfair...like i was being bullied by fate. Finishing my drink i gave johnny and jack the finger anyway...hoping it would work on them and make me feel better. But they just bloody laugh. JB and Miguel tells me maybe i should try harder...I tell them i already have. Smith just shook his head and looked at me with pity. Tito Pepe would speak up...but he knows better than to say anything in my current state of mind. I like to give up now...I tell them that it does not seem to matter how much i try...people would look down on me...people i have known all my life would take risks with me...but they would never believe in me...and even if i do make it, It would not change the way they saw me. That is was all for nothing. I tell them i am leaking hope...tears began to fall down from my eyes. I start to wish i never existed...i wished I was dead...that a huge comet would just fall on me and end this silly joke. I plead them...to just make it stop..........Then suddenly...i feel a light brush of a hand...unnerving my scalp...brushing my hair. It was so soft and so gentle that it sent a sweet chill in my spine. I look around and i see angel black eyes and long brown hair...Her rosy cheeks and naughty angel smile calms my every thought...She seemed worried. "Where have you been?" I asked...She told me she was looking for me...and that i forgot to take my pills. I tell her i love her and that I was just thinking. She says that she knows. Her voice is so calm...so soothing...like mints. I start to look around...and i see an empty room...i see friends back in their shelves...quiet...dusty...watching. I look back at her, and say "honeydude, I'm tired...Can we go home now?"...She smiles and lets a tear out...she takes my hand warmly and with a smile...i stagger to stand...and start to make our way home...